sortofaman | the cautious losers and emotional wrecks (for Chase)

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chase,
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the cautious losers and emotional wrecks (for Chase)

The Doctor had reverted to Plan C. Plan C was not particularly ideal, and in actuality it was hardly a plan at all, more a reactive mechanism until he could sort out what his actual plan was going to be, if he did at all, or until he couldn't take anymore.

Whichever came first.

Plan C was dealing with the issue by not addressing it head-on, by not engaging. Mostly it was because the Doctor had no energy to do so--Nate had been up nights again off and on with teething, and he'd been trying to write up a thesis on different theoretical reactions to the idea of being fictional, and how people would come to terms with it. He was thinking his project would be to come up with a set programme of therapeutic mechanisms for treatment of said issue...

Anyway.

So he didn't really look up when Chase came in, only mumbled a greeting and underlined some text with a pencil.

Subject lyrics by Bob Seger.

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Chase pressed his forehead against the Doctor's with a little more firmness, trying to swallow all the dryness in his throat. "If we talk," Chase said, voice low. "You can't rile me up. It makes me feel like we just run ineffective circles. We have to talk, for real."

The Doctor ran his fingers through Chase's hair, considering this, then let out a sigh and nodded, trying to meet those blue, blue eyes. "Yeah," he agreed, openly, honestly without any bullshit.

Chase caught the Doctor's gaze for a moment before leaning in suddenly and pressing his lips to the Doctor's with a desperate momentary need, kissing him desperately and trying to find some kind of connection again. "This good?" he mumbled against the Doctor's lips.

It was both what the Doctor had anticipated and not it at all, and he groaned, moving up to kiss him in reply, lips slightly parted. It was a sudden shift and change in feeling, and he liked it, liked what the need felt like once more. "Yeah," he breathed.

Chase kept in close and even between kisses -- hot breath mixing between them -- he felt as if they were closer than they'd been in a very long time. "I missed your hands," he admitted, blurting out the words. "I know it probably sounds stupid..."

"It doesn't bloody sound stupid," murmured the Doctor, but there was no vitriol behind it, just affection, fingers spreading wide against Chase's back. "It sounds true."

He had missed Chase as well, but more than anything how he tasted, how his upper lip curved in towards his lower one, how it felt to tease it out with a slow drag of his teeth. So he indulged himself.

Chase was breathless within something like minutes of when the kiss first started and he didn't even feel like that was a bad thing, necessarily. He exhaled shakily and drew away to stare down at the Doctor with half-lidded eyes. "I don't think you're going to leave me on purpose. I know that," he insisted, voice low, but it was something he felt as if he needed to get across.

"Okay," said the Doctor, blinking a couple of times to draw away the haze of need that had taken him, just so he could focus. "You...you know that I just give you shite because I know you can keep being better, yeah? That you don't have to be scared or alone or anything..."

His own accent had slipped a little, gone somewhere north of the border.

"You give me shit and I just remember my father," Chase said, his words almost guttural as he got them out. That was all he thought about when he had his back to the wall and was being accused of acting contrary to how it was expected he act.

The Doctor bit into his own lower lip, unable to look at Chase for a moment, then finally met his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said simply. "I'll...I won't do that."

Chase nodded fervently at that, hoping that this counted for progress even if he was busy pressing his lips to the Doctor's and letting out a shaky gasp while he stole more kisses. "I just want to be safe, here. I don't want people to keep going because I'm going to be left with nothing left soon enough."

It was progress. Definitely. "I know," said the Doctor, and slid his hands under Chase's shirt, up over his chest, determined to make things work, that things were right. "But..."

And Chase kissed him again, nearly making him breathless, and he kissed back, a sweet focused trail of his lips. "Can't just live afraid..."

Chase's breath caught when he felt the Doctor's hands on bare skin and he pressed harder into the kiss, like a collision that was bound to happen, so it might as well have been forceful and wonderful. "You're never afraid, then?" Chase half-asked and half-moaned out the words.

"There's a difference," said the Doctor, or maybe 'said' wasn't the right term, maybe more like 'gasped', as he pulled up Chase's shirt, desperate to get it off him now please, "between being afraid and living afraid."

If he thought too hard on everything in the universe, he would have been afraid all the time, frozen, unable to move.

Chase bit down on his lower lip and felt the blood pulsing there as he tossed the shirt onto the floor and stared down at the Doctor from his straddle of him, trying to figure out what he wanted to do first. And then it was all too easy an answer as he slid down off the Doctor and started yanking his pants off.

"M'gonna try to be better," he mumbled, breath hot against the Doctor's hip.

"So..." said the Doctor, whose eyes widened just slightly at the movement, knowing where it was leading and dear god, definitely not objecting. "So...so'm I."

He reached down to run his fingers through Chase's hair.

Chase turned his cheek to the side to nuzzle lightly at the Doctor's bare thigh once he got his trousers lower. He licked his lips, rendering them wet, before slowly parting his lips to take the Doctor in, shallow, but there. It had been a long time since he had done this, but he felt like it was almost like a strange, sexual coming home.

Despite the Doctor's best intentions, wanting to watch him, wanting to see his hair grow mussed and lips part, he couldn't help but close his eyes as his head fell back to the pillow, body lithe and rising to meet him. "Oh, god yes," he murmured, fingers tightening a little in Chase's hair.

Chase was probably never going to admit it aloud, but he really did like it when people tugged at his hair. It tugged on his heart a little, this reminder that someone could want him so much. He let out a tiny moan as he continued to lap shallow and soft strokes with his tongue, careful not to go too deep when he hadn't done this in a while.

Chase was probably never going to admit it aloud, but he really did like it when people tugged at his hair. It tugged on his heart a little, this reminder that someone could want him so much. He let out a tiny moan as he continued to lap shallow and soft strokes with his tongue, careful not to go too deep when he hadn't done this in a while.

It was honestly almost better than deep and hard and fast, because the Doctor wasn't used to it either, it wasn't like they'd been doing much of it. He was trying desperately not to push it, to keep back and keep control, and he moaned, bit back by his teeth sinking into his lower lip.

Chase let his eyes fall shut because he didn't have to see this in order for it to be real. He knew that, somewhere. He also knew that this wasn't going to be a quick fix and he had to work at it. Maybe blowjobs were just the first step in the process was all.

He licked his lower lip and swallowed hard, easing away just long enough to glance up at the Doctor. "More?" he asked, voice husky.

The Doctor was breathing hard, shallow, eyes opening to look at Chase, lips parted but almost like he was stunned. Overwhelmed. "You," he breathed, and reached down to run his fingers over Chase's jaw.

It wasn't yes or no, it was wanting whatever Chase could give.

Chase surged slowly up until he was parallel to the Doctor's body, hovering and merely there, not moving at all. "How?" was all he returned, meaning it and not about to balk at any suggestion or remark.

And honestly, the Doctor didn't know, eyes wide and body absolutely begging to be up against Chase again, to be as close to one bloody person as was possible.

"I just want you." For some reason, he blushed, a storm of pink overwhelming freckles, and eased up back onto his elbows before pressing forward to kiss him.

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